Home alone. That was what I was for practically the whole damned day. It was pouring and all dark. But I failed to appreciate the beauty of the rain. I've been rather distracted lately. Can't concentrate.
I took a look at my ICQ contact list. That grey panel showed an entire list of red names, some italised, some not. All except for one. It was blue. He was online.
Once again, I was plagued by the urge to right click on that familiar name and remove it from my list. There would be no more presence of him haunting my Net life. No more of him.
But I couldn't bear to.
I couldn't bear to erase that entire chat history and watch as the computer deletes his name off my list, his information, his crappiness, his tears, his laughter. His presence. I just couldn't bring myself to do that.
And I knew. I knew that even if they were taken off the memory of my computer, he would be something in my memory that can never ebb. The chatlog would be imprinted in my mind, never mind that it ceased to exist anymore.
I just didn't see the point.
Was bored nearly to the point of tears today. The radio playing songs from more than a decade ago got me really nostalgic. I spent the day bumming around, idling my time away.
I attempted to redesign my site. But I was too uninspired to do so. I had zero motivation. Lazy, lazy me again. All I know how to do is waste my time.
Boring. That's what my life is. Maybe that's what I am too.
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